1
00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:03,904
♪♪
2
00:00:08,041 --> 00:00:10,878
OK, Tony, $16.
3
00:00:11,044 --> 00:00:12,679
Whoa, you're light, Zack.
4
00:00:12,713 --> 00:00:13,914
You owe me $20.
5
00:00:13,981 --> 00:00:17,050
Don't feel bad, everybody
loses to Mr. Poker.
6
00:00:17,584 --> 00:00:19,386
Hey!
Would this make us even?
7
00:00:19,486 --> 00:00:20,621
Deal.
8
00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:24,224
Hey!
That's my wiener.
9
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:27,127
I'm telling you, my
luck's gonna change,
10
00:00:27,227 --> 00:00:30,130
because this Friday night,
we're playing poker in our room.
11
00:00:30,330 --> 00:00:32,666
Just make sure you got
enough eats for me.
12
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:35,669
Sara Lee doesn't have
enough eats for you.
13
00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:40,607
Hey, Slater.
14
00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:42,242
Poker, Friday night.
15
00:00:42,276 --> 00:00:44,344
Aw.
Man, I can't.
16
00:00:44,411 --> 00:00:47,080
I promised Alex I'd take her
to some French film.
17
00:00:47,147 --> 00:00:49,016
Oh man.
What, are you married now?
18
00:00:49,116 --> 00:00:50,317
Yeah, Slater.
19
00:00:50,417 --> 00:00:53,020
Are you familiar with
the term whipped?
20
00:00:54,822 --> 00:00:55,823
Yes.
21
00:00:55,923 --> 00:00:59,760
Are you familiar with the terms
slapped, punched, kicked?
22
00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:03,730
All too familiar.
23
00:01:04,264 --> 00:01:06,433
You know-- hey, you
guys are right.
24
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:08,902
- I can go out with Alex any time.
- ZACK (OFFSCREEN): That's right.
25
00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:10,304
I'm playing poker.
26
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:12,206
ZACK (OFFSCREEN):
All right! That's my man.
27
00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:14,374
Poker game?
In my dorm?
28
00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:15,776
I don't think so.
29
00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:17,144
Aw, come on, Mike.
30
00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:18,812
All the other dorms
get to play poker.
31
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:23,383
Actually, guys, dorm four has keno,
roulette, and a $4.99 prime rib dinner.
32
00:01:24,351 --> 00:01:26,520
When kids play poker, kids lose.
33
00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:28,589
And then they come crying
to me for money.
34
00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:30,691
Now, do I look like
an ATM machine?
35
00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:31,959
No, sir.
36
00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:34,795
To me, you look more like a
giant Pillsbury doughboy.
37
00:01:36,063 --> 00:01:37,397
Something from the oven.
38
00:01:37,498 --> 00:01:38,799
Hee-hee!
39
00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:42,836
Just remember, no poker.
40
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:44,838
And clean up this pig sty.
41
00:01:45,038 --> 00:01:46,373
Man.
42
00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:49,743
I don't care what he says.
43
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:51,445
We're playing poker.
44
00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:53,247
I ain't afraid of that guy.
Heh.
45
00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:54,448
- Zack!
- W-what?
46
00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:56,583
Remember what I said -- no poker.
47
00:02:02,089 --> 00:02:04,925
♪ I'm standing
at the edge of tomorrow, ♪
48
00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:08,095
♪ and it's all up to
me how far I go ♪
49
00:02:08,228 --> 00:02:11,465
♪ I'm standing at the
edge of tomorrow ♪
50
00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:14,835
♪ I've never seen
such a view before, ♪
51
00:02:14,935 --> 00:02:17,938
♪ a new world before my eyes ♪
52
00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:21,108
♪ So much for me to explore ♪
53
00:02:21,241 --> 00:02:23,510
♪ It's where my future lies ♪
54
00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:26,713
♪ Today, I'm standing at
the edge of tomorrow ♪
55
00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:29,783
♪ From here, the future
looks bright for me ♪
56
00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:33,253
♪ And it's all up to
me how far I go ♪
57
00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:36,123
♪ It's my time to break away ♪
58
00:02:36,223 --> 00:02:40,661
♪ I'm standing at the edge
of tomorrow today ♪
59
00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:49,670
So then Rogers
came in and told me
60
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:52,072
I had too many stuffed
animals on my bed.
61
00:02:52,205 --> 00:02:54,007
He punched my bunny.
62
00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:56,677
Maybe he's having
a midlife crisis.
63
00:02:56,777 --> 00:02:58,445
Maybe he's having
trouble in school.
64
00:02:58,545 --> 00:03:01,248
Maybe he has a thorn in his paw.
65
00:03:02,382 --> 00:03:04,117
Judith!
Hi.
66
00:03:04,251 --> 00:03:06,053
- Hi.
- You look real nice today.
67
00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:07,955
Have you been working out?
68
00:03:08,288 --> 00:03:11,091
I'm not really the athletic
type, Michael.
69
00:03:11,224 --> 00:03:14,494
I prefer long, contemplative
walks in the woods.
70
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:17,464
I bet you work up a pretty
good sweat doing that.
71
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,367
I suppose I perspire a little.
72
00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:22,836
Well, make sure you
spray something on your feet
73
00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:26,006
so you don't get that
cruddy foot fungus thing.
74
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:30,277
I thank you.
And my feet thank you.
75
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:33,780
(SOFTLY) Oh, golly.
76
00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:42,923
Hey guys, Rogers has the hots
for that lady over there.
77
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,158
But he can't bring himself
to ask her out--
78
00:03:45,258 --> 00:03:47,527
which is all pathetic.
79
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:50,497
That's Judith Trudell,
my literature teacher.
80
00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:54,635
She's hardly Mike's type.
81
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:57,471
Hey, come on now.
Opposites attract all the time.
82
00:03:57,647 --> 00:03:59,990
You know, if Mike gets a love
life, he'll be off our backs.
83
00:04:00,069 --> 00:04:01,959
- SLATER (OFFSCREEN): Yeah, yeah.
- Well, can you do it quick?
84
00:04:02,039 --> 00:04:04,342
Yesterday, he yelled at me
for meditating too loud.
85
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:07,114
And I mean, I ask you, does
this bother anybody?
86
00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:08,615
- Om.
- Alex!
87
00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:09,850
Stop it!
88
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:11,918
You're driving me crazy!
89
00:04:15,330 --> 00:04:19,726
Hey guys, if we can get Rogers a
date for Friday, we can play poker.
90
00:04:19,826 --> 00:04:21,361
Yeah, let's go.
91
00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:23,063
Hi, Mike.
92
00:04:23,163 --> 00:04:25,265
Wasn't that Judith Trudell,
the lit professor?
93
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:26,433
Yeah, why?
94
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:28,101
Well, Leslie has her class.
95
00:04:28,201 --> 00:04:30,971
And she overheard that Professor
Trudell thinks that you're cute.
96
00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:33,306
I am?
She did?
97
00:04:33,373 --> 00:04:35,776
I mean, what else she say?
98
00:04:36,343 --> 00:04:37,244
Uh--
99
00:04:37,344 --> 00:04:39,980
Oh, she said that you
were the perfect combination
100
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:41,581
of brains and brawn.
101
00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:42,683
Uh-huh.
102
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:46,586
Well, you know, I did have
the fifth highest IQ on the 49ers.
103
00:04:47,648 --> 00:04:49,044
I don't doubt it.
104
00:04:49,589 --> 00:04:51,725
So why don't you ask
her out for Friday?
105
00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:52,993
Good idea.
106
00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:55,262
Friday's fish fry night
down at HoJos.
107
00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:57,764
- Works for me.
- All right.
108
00:04:58,031 --> 00:04:59,399
Yeah!
109
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:03,704
[knock on door]
110
00:05:04,404 --> 00:05:06,306
Guys, guys--
111
00:05:06,406 --> 00:05:09,176
why are you cleaning on a
beautiful day like this?
112
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:11,144
The sun is shining.
113
00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:12,913
Fall is in the air.
114
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:14,848
And I've got a date with
Judith Trudell.
115
00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:16,817
Hey!
Way to go, Mike!
116
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:19,052
- All right, Mike!
- Yeah! Well, all right.
117
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:20,454
Hey, I gotta run, though, man.
118
00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:22,889
I've got an appointment to get
a haircut and a facial.
119
00:05:24,958 --> 00:05:29,229
(SINGING) ♪ Love, soft
as an easy chair ♪
120
00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:33,967
♪ Love, fresh as the morning air. ♪
121
00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:40,874
♪ One love is shared by two. ♪
122
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:43,110
♪ I have found-- ♪
123
00:05:43,443 --> 00:05:45,145
Poker!
124
00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:46,113
Yeah.
125
00:05:46,213 --> 00:05:49,983
Now all we have to do is tell our main
squeezes that we're flying solo tonight.
126
00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:51,885
Flying solo?
127
00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:53,720
Oh, um--
128
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:55,322
Alex,
129
00:05:55,555 --> 00:05:58,892
I've decided that I'm playing
poker here with the guys tonight.
130
00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:00,460
There, I've said it.
131
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:02,295
Well, great!
I love poker.
132
00:06:02,395 --> 00:06:03,396
Deal me in.
133
00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:05,031
- Me too.
- Sorry, girls.
134
00:06:05,132 --> 00:06:06,500
It's a men-only game.
135
00:06:06,637 --> 00:06:07,972
Yeah, that's right, girls.
136
00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:10,203
Poker is real men
sitting around,
137
00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:12,205
scratching and burping.
138
00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:14,141
Men only?
139
00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:15,876
This is so sexist.
140
00:06:16,019 --> 00:06:17,059
Come on, Alex.
141
00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:18,812
Let's go do something
only women can do.
142
00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:21,948
Yeah, we'll go give birth.
143
00:06:25,952 --> 00:06:27,521
Well, see you guys later.
144
00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:28,922
I'm off to karate class.
145
00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:29,923
Wah!
146
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:32,159
Any openings in that
class, Kelly?
147
00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:35,228
Yeah, I suddenly feel like
I want to kick something.
148
00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:36,530
You see?
149
00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:39,432
Now, this is exactly why women
shouldn't play poker.
150
00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:40,767
They're too emotional.
151
00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:43,303
Emotional?
We are not emotional!
152
00:06:53,446 --> 00:06:56,716
Let's face it, men are just
shallow, insensitive,
153
00:06:56,817 --> 00:07:00,320
pig-headed, gorgeous creatures.
154
00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:04,925
Good evening, ladies.
155
00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:06,593
I'm John Hammer.
156
00:07:06,726 --> 00:07:09,062
And welcome to women's karate.
157
00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:11,164
Did you hear how
he said welcome?
158
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:13,099
He is so sensitive.
159
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:16,303
I bet he'd let us play poker.
160
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:19,439
Talk about your seven card stud.
161
00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:24,277
OK, let's get started with
some basic moves.
162
00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:25,946
- I need a volunteer.
- Oh, me!
163
00:07:25,999 --> 00:07:27,660
Me! Me! Me!
164
00:07:27,731 --> 00:07:29,616
Uh, let's start with you.
165
00:07:29,749 --> 00:07:31,384
[Alex cackles triumphantly]
166
00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:33,620
What's your name?
167
00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:35,355
I'm Alex.
I'm a freshman.
168
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,457
I'm single.
And I'm ready to be flipped.
169
00:07:40,393 --> 00:07:41,828
I call, Zack.
170
00:07:41,928 --> 00:07:43,063
Heh, heh, heh, heh.
171
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:44,331
Three bullets.
172
00:07:44,431 --> 00:07:47,067
Oh, can't beat a straight, Tony!
173
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,201
Got you again!
174
00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:50,370
- Ha, ha, ha!
- Uh, uh, uh.
175
00:07:50,503 --> 00:07:52,572
Not so fast.
176
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:56,109
It ain't over till the
skinny guy sings.
177
00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:04,584
I got a three, a five,
a seven, a nine,
178
00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:06,486
and a big fat two.
179
00:08:06,586 --> 00:08:08,054
What does that mean?
180
00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:11,324
It means you're an idiot and
you owe us another $7.
181
00:08:12,759 --> 00:08:15,161
I'm telling you, tonight
is my night.
182
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:17,230
Hose me down, gentlemen,
I am on fire.
183
00:08:17,314 --> 00:08:19,460
And you ain't smiling now,
are you Mr. Poker?
184
00:08:19,538 --> 00:08:21,568
- SLATER (OFFSCREEN): There you go.
- So you won a couple of hands.
185
00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:23,770
Big deal, Zack.
You're gonna choke.
186
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:27,440
So are you, if you don't start
chewing those Cheetos.
187
00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:30,644
All right, fellas,
and there we go.
188
00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:32,579
OK, let's see what we got here.
189
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,514
I'll play these.
190
00:08:35,148 --> 00:08:36,349
Eh, eh?
191
00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:38,418
I got four kings.
192
00:08:41,288 --> 00:08:43,123
I'm going to make my
tuition tonight.
193
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:44,557
That's what you think.
194
00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:46,359
- I'm all in.
- Ho, ho, ho.
195
00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:47,761
You're going down!
196
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,362
Going down.
197
00:08:49,896 --> 00:08:51,531
I said no poker.
198
00:08:51,631 --> 00:08:53,266
Oh, wait, Mike, I
got four kings.
199
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,201
You heard the man-- no poker.
200
00:08:55,302 --> 00:08:56,569
SLATER (OFFSCREEN): Yeah.
201
00:09:04,911 --> 00:09:06,546
I can't believe you guys.
202
00:09:06,646 --> 00:09:09,816
I go on a date, I come back,
and you're playing poker.
203
00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:12,585
I can't even turn my back
for 37 minutes.
204
00:09:13,820 --> 00:09:15,322
You raise a good point.
205
00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:18,992
Now if I may ask, what kind
of date lasts 37 minutes?
206
00:09:20,026 --> 00:09:22,495
Hey, you broke my record.
207
00:09:24,764 --> 00:09:25,966
That's not the point.
208
00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:28,268
The point is you broke my rules.
209
00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:32,472
Mike, seriously, is this
about broken rules or about
210
00:09:33,773 --> 00:09:35,342
a broken heart?
211
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:40,213
It was a disaster!
212
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:42,349
It's OK.
It's OK, Mike.
213
00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:43,450
It's OK.
214
00:09:43,550 --> 00:09:45,652
Here-- here I am on a date
with a beautiful woman.
215
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,954
And I can't think of anything
to say to her.
216
00:09:48,054 --> 00:09:50,357
So when do you think
it went wrong?
217
00:09:50,657 --> 00:09:52,892
Everything was going to
fine until she opened the door
218
00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:54,494
and
I said, hello, Judith.
219
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,396
Oh, oh.
Wow.
220
00:09:56,496 --> 00:09:58,698
How'd you get her to
open the door?
221
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,969
Why can't I talk to Judith the
way I talk to other women?
222
00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:04,571
Every woman is different.
223
00:10:04,671 --> 00:10:05,972
Take Alex, for example.
224
00:10:06,072 --> 00:10:09,275
Now she needs to be handled
very delicately.
225
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,047
That was great.
226
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,950
Was it good for you?
227
00:10:17,650 --> 00:10:18,752
Fine.
228
00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:20,120
All right, who's next?
229
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:21,554
- I am!
- Wait a minute!
230
00:10:21,654 --> 00:10:23,490
You got smashed up against
the wall last time.
231
00:10:23,590 --> 00:10:25,558
I haven't even been kicked yet.
232
00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:32,332
All right, Kelly.
233
00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:34,968
Let's go over some of the
basics of self defense.
234
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:37,604
If I come at you, what
are you gonna do?
235
00:10:37,837 --> 00:10:40,607
Fix my hair and pop
a breath mint.
236
00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:45,378
The key to self-defense is to
neutralize your opponent.
237
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:46,946
Let me show you.
238
00:10:47,914 --> 00:10:49,249
Put you hand on my shoulder.
239
00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:50,450
Sure.
240
00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:53,153
Look at that.
Could she be any more obvious?
241
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,357
You know, can we do that again?
242
00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:59,159
I'm a really slow learner.
243
00:10:59,626 --> 00:11:00,960
See if you can learn this.
244
00:11:00,997 --> 00:11:02,470
Get to the end of the line.
It's my turn.
245
00:11:02,525 --> 00:11:04,097
- No, it's mine.
- Oh yeah?
246
00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:06,132
If you want to get to him, you're
gonna have to come through me.
247
00:11:06,232 --> 00:11:08,101
- Oh yeah?
- Huah!
248
00:11:12,806 --> 00:11:13,973
Six months.
249
00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:16,209
That was my longest
relationship ever.
250
00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:19,479
And five of those months,
she was in Desert Storm.
251
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,116
Hey, come on, Mike. We've all
had our problems with women.
252
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,784
Yeah, we all know the drill.
253
00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:27,087
First, they tell you,
buzz off, creep.
254
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:29,189
Then they change their
telephone number.
255
00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:32,058
Then they slap you with a
temporary restraining order.
256
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:35,628
Oh yeah, guys.
257
00:11:35,728 --> 00:11:38,098
Like I'm the only one this
has happened to.
258
00:11:38,898 --> 00:11:39,966
You know, Mike.
259
00:11:40,066 --> 00:11:42,202
Whenever I've been rejected
by a woman--
260
00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:45,705
wait a minute, I've never been
rejected by a woman.
261
00:11:45,805 --> 00:11:47,140
Forget it.
262
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,245
Yeah, it's OK.
263
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:54,347
I just appreciate you guys
being there for me.
264
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:55,982
Hey, no problem.
265
00:11:56,082 --> 00:11:58,585
And now that everything's cool,
it's OK if we play poker, right?
266
00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:00,019
Oh, not a chance.
267
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,889
But tomorrow night, how about
a rousing game of Monopoly?
268
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,424
You're on, big guy.
269
00:12:04,524 --> 00:12:06,226
I got dibs on the thimble.
270
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,933
It's been three days
and it feels like Rogers
271
00:12:14,033 --> 00:12:15,969
has become our fourth roommate.
272
00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:19,606
We need to get his mind
off this Judith chick.
273
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:23,776
Hey, why not fix him
up with Sally?
274
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:26,079
SLATER (OFFSCREEN): Yeah.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
275
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:27,213
ZACK (OFFSCREEN): Mm-hmm.
276
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,249
She's a football fan,
she's good with her hands,
277
00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:31,751
and she's always got
change for a dollar.
278
00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:34,621
Hey, my main man.
279
00:12:34,721 --> 00:12:37,290
What do you say we get crazy
tonight and play some Scrabble?
280
00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:38,625
Mike!
281
00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:41,694
Mike, I'd like you meet
Sally Kubiak.
282
00:12:41,794 --> 00:12:44,797
Sally, Mike Rogers of the 49ers.
283
00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:47,333
Hey, I'd know him anywhere.
284
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:49,869
Mike, show her your
Super Bowl ring.
285
00:12:49,969 --> 00:12:52,138
Oh, I'd love to see your
Super Bowl ring.
286
00:12:52,238 --> 00:12:53,940
It's, uh, in my room.
287
00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:55,909
Oh, I've love to see your room.
288
00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:00,880
I don't think that would
be appropriate.
289
00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:03,283
See, I'm kind of going out
with somebody right now.
290
00:13:03,349 --> 00:13:05,018
Well, if you change your mind,
291
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:08,321
my number's on the back
of every vending machine.
292
00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:10,823
Call me.
293
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:13,927
[Zack sputters]
294
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:16,095
Who are you going out with?
295
00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:17,363
Judith.
296
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:18,531
Going out?
297
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:20,967
Mike, going out usually
involves going out.
298
00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:23,303
You spend seven nights
a week in our room.
299
00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:24,637
Not true.
300
00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:28,074
Last Thursday, we all went out
and saw "The Joy Luck Club."
301
00:13:31,211 --> 00:13:32,946
Hey guys, guys, I did it.
302
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:34,714
I found Rogers a date.
303
00:13:34,798 --> 00:13:36,233
You found Rogers a date?
304
00:13:36,302 --> 00:13:37,266
That's right.
305
00:13:37,321 --> 00:13:39,157
While you guys were
barking up the bimbo tree,
306
00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:41,854
I found a lovely woman
who's crazy about him.
307
00:13:42,288 --> 00:13:44,557
Oh, Clara!
308
00:13:47,860 --> 00:13:49,162
How do I look, boys?
309
00:13:49,262 --> 00:13:50,396
- Uh.
- Uh.
310
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:52,365
Fine, Clara, just fine.
311
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:54,901
But could you possibly
lose the hairnet?
312
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:56,970
I can't.
It's a state law.
313
00:13:57,971 --> 00:13:59,806
Hi, Mike.
314
00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:02,041
Oh.
Hi, Clara.
315
00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:05,478
You know, 2,000 men
come in here every day,
316
00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:07,747
but you're the only one who
can make my knees buckle
317
00:14:07,814 --> 00:14:10,250
and the hair on
my back stand up.
318
00:14:13,319 --> 00:14:14,420
Excuse me?
319
00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:16,122
Oh, don't play coy, Mike.
320
00:14:16,222 --> 00:14:19,392
You think it's a coincidence I've been
giving you extra potatoes all semester?
321
00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:21,761
I've never asked for
those potatoes.
322
00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:25,965
Did you ever date a food
service worker, big guy?
323
00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:28,534
Clara,
324
00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:30,870
I, I think of us as friends
325
00:14:32,171 --> 00:14:33,506
and that's it.
326
00:14:33,773 --> 00:14:35,575
Fine, be that way.
327
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,011
But you can kiss your
potatoes goodbye.
328
00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:41,681
Freeze!
329
00:14:42,015 --> 00:14:43,983
No more matchmaking,
you understand?
330
00:14:44,083 --> 00:14:45,618
I'm a desirable man.
331
00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:46,986
I've got a lot to offer.
332
00:14:47,086 --> 00:14:49,289
My social life is just fine.
333
00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:51,758
See you guys at 7:00
for Pictionary.
334
00:14:54,961 --> 00:14:57,497
OK, here's the deal -- we're
helping you out with Rogers,
335
00:14:57,597 --> 00:15:00,133
you let us play poker
whenever we want.
336
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:04,203
All right, but you gotta
promise not to act like girls.
337
00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:05,538
Fine.
338
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,707
So when you talk to
Judith, remember,
339
00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:09,242
talk about her interests.
340
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:10,243
Right.
341
00:15:10,376 --> 00:15:13,112
Remember, she did her thesis
on Emily Dickinson.
342
00:15:13,212 --> 00:15:15,214
I don't know anything about
Emily Dickinson.
343
00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:17,750
Emily Dickinson --
woman, poet, dead.
344
00:15:17,850 --> 00:15:18,951
Go.
345
00:15:19,819 --> 00:15:22,155
I can't go through with--
hello, Judith.
346
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:24,023
Hi, Mike Rogers.
347
00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:27,393
Yeah, I just heard that
Emily Dickinson died.
348
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,931
Oh, 100 years ago.
349
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,767
No, that's not why I called.
350
00:15:34,867 --> 00:15:36,669
(WHISPERING) Tell her you were
reading Emily Dickinson
351
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,071
and you thought of her.
352
00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:41,274
I, I was reading Emily
Dickinson and I thought of you.
353
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:44,410
(WHISPERING) Her sense of
nuance is unparalleled.
354
00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:48,281
Uh, you know, Emily's got that
nuanced thing nailed.
355
00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:53,386
She says I'm perceptive.
356
00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:57,156
(WHISPERING) Ask her
out for Friday.
357
00:15:57,390 --> 00:16:00,393
So, Judith, do you think you might
want to go out again on Friday?
358
00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:03,296
You know, talk nuance,
have a couple beers.
359
00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:04,897
(WHISPERING) You'll make dinner.
360
00:16:04,997 --> 00:16:07,266
- You'll make dinner.
- (WHISPERING) No, I'll make--
361
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,268
I'll make dinner.
362
00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:12,205
You will?
Oh, great.
363
00:16:12,469 --> 00:16:14,538
OK, I'll see you at
6:30 at my place.
364
00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:15,842
All right, bye.
365
00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:17,210
Yes!
- Yay!
366
00:16:17,343 --> 00:16:19,078
Yay, Mikey!
You did it.
367
00:16:19,178 --> 00:16:20,613
But 6:30?
368
00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:21,848
Why so early?
369
00:16:21,948 --> 00:16:23,716
Well, if things don't work out,
370
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,319
I'll still have time to come and
play Yahtzee with you guys.
371
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:30,423
It has to work out.
372
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:40,099
You know, another interesting
thing about Emily Dickinson
373
00:16:40,199 --> 00:16:42,735
is that her grandfather
founded Amherst College.
374
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:46,272
Yes, I recall you shouted that to
me while I was in the bathroom.
375
00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:49,108
Did you get a chance to browse
through her biography
376
00:16:49,168 --> 00:16:50,142
when you were in there?
377
00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:51,778
Not all of it.
378
00:16:52,044 --> 00:16:53,746
Boy, do I love Emily.
379
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,815
I've read 32 of her poems.
380
00:16:55,915 --> 00:16:57,116
Really?
381
00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:58,484
What's your favorite?
382
00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:00,119
Number 17.
383
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:05,124
"A bird came down the walk--
384
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,160
he did not know I saw--"
385
00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:10,329
You know, Michael,
just because I teach poetry
386
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:12,732
doesn't mean we have
to talk only about that.
387
00:17:13,332 --> 00:17:15,468
- I guess not.
- No.
388
00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:19,605
So do you think the new health care
package can get through Congress?
389
00:17:22,141 --> 00:17:24,010
Darn, current events.
390
00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:25,611
I sure hope so.
391
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,246
I mean, health care is a
very important issue.
392
00:17:27,346 --> 00:17:28,181
Yeah.
393
00:17:28,281 --> 00:17:30,850
In fact, I've had 11 major
operations myself.
394
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:34,587
Hey, look at this thumb.
There's no joint left at all.
395
00:17:41,093 --> 00:17:44,630
Well, if it isn't the Teenage
Mutant Ninja Tramp.
396
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,102
You couldn't wait for
us, could you?
397
00:17:50,369 --> 00:17:53,673
I just thought I'd come
early and warm up.
398
00:17:54,307 --> 00:17:57,610
Well, you're gonna have a hard
time warming up in that.
399
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,512
What?
It--
400
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:00,880
it shrunk.
401
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,483
Look, I don't know what
you guys are suggesting,
402
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:06,052
but I happen to be here
for the pure sport of it.
403
00:18:06,152 --> 00:18:07,420
LESLIE (OFFSCREEN):
(SCORNFULLY) Oh.
404
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:09,922
Oh no!
Johnny, what happened?
405
00:18:10,022 --> 00:18:12,425
Ah, a little mishap at
the match last night.
406
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:16,295
But don't worry girls, I have
found you a terrific substitute.
407
00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:21,367
This is Helga, and she's every
bit as good as I am.
408
00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:25,404
Welcome.
409
00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:27,440
I need a volunteer.
410
00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:29,242
Kelly's always willing.
411
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:39,752
Great sport, huh, Kel?
412
00:18:41,220 --> 00:18:44,023
Now I show you how to snap
an arm like a twig.
413
00:18:44,156 --> 00:18:45,625
[Kelly whimpers]
414
00:18:50,162 --> 00:18:52,765
- Good salad.
- Oh, thanks.
415
00:18:53,099 --> 00:18:55,234
I washed the lettuce
three times.
416
00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:58,838
Oh, and did you know
that Emily Dickinson
417
00:18:58,938 --> 00:19:00,406
had a very nice
vegetable garden?
418
00:19:00,506 --> 00:19:02,909
Would you just drop
Emily Dickinson?
419
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:06,946
Goodness.
Did I just raise my voice?
420
00:19:07,113 --> 00:19:08,247
I'm sorry.
421
00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:09,782
No, I'm sorry.
422
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:11,617
- It's all my fault.
- No.
423
00:19:11,717 --> 00:19:14,687
I've got to admit, I-I'm a
little intimidated by you.
424
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:16,389
Well, don't be.
425
00:19:16,622 --> 00:19:18,124
I can't help it.
426
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:20,826
You're so unlike all the
other women I've dated.
427
00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:24,697
You don't pop your gum,
you don't teach aerobics,
428
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:27,934
you haven't had anything
surgically enhanced--
429
00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:31,137
have you?
430
00:19:31,370 --> 00:19:32,672
No.
431
00:19:33,239 --> 00:19:34,740
But since we're being honest,
432
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,510
I have to admit that I'm a
little intimidated by you.
433
00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:39,011
Get out of here.
434
00:19:39,111 --> 00:19:40,580
No, really.
435
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:43,416
I've lived this cloistered
life in academia
436
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:45,184
and I'm used
to a certain kind of man.
437
00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:48,588
And frankly, you're
my first hunk.
438
00:19:52,158 --> 00:19:53,492
I am?
439
00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:57,930
Bread?
440
00:20:00,399 --> 00:20:01,634
Thank you.
441
00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:06,973
I want to have three children.
442
00:20:07,073 --> 00:20:08,374
No, no, no.
443
00:20:08,574 --> 00:20:11,210
Two girls and two boys,
that's the ideal family.
444
00:20:11,310 --> 00:20:12,378
[Zack sighs]
445
00:20:12,478 --> 00:20:14,647
Can we play cards?
446
00:20:15,247 --> 00:20:17,450
- Can you believe this, Slater?
- No.
447
00:20:17,583 --> 00:20:19,919
Four kids in this day and age?
448
00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:23,356
Two is plenty.
449
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:26,659
Then again, there's a lot to
be said for stopping at one.
450
00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:28,628
My parents did.
451
00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:31,964
Excuse me, Tony, do you
have any barrettes?
452
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:34,100
Barrettes?
That's it, I'm out of here.
453
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,569
I hear there's a Tupperware
party in the next dorm.
454
00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:38,037
Wait, wait, wait.
Tony, come on!
455
00:20:38,137 --> 00:20:40,039
I'm riding the hottest steak of
my life and you're walking?
456
00:20:40,139 --> 00:20:41,774
We'll play in my room next week,
457
00:20:41,874 --> 00:20:44,010
and I promise you no
women will be there.
458
00:20:44,110 --> 00:20:45,678
Or ever have been.
459
00:20:48,381 --> 00:20:50,349
You see that?
You see what you girls did?
460
00:20:50,449 --> 00:20:51,717
Oh, big loss.
461
00:20:51,817 --> 00:20:54,854
If he shoved one more Twinkie
in his mouth, I was gonna barf.
462
00:20:56,488 --> 00:20:57,890
[Kelly moans]
463
00:20:57,957 --> 00:20:59,258
Oh, hi, Kel.
464
00:20:59,358 --> 00:21:01,127
How was class?
465
00:21:01,227 --> 00:21:02,495
Don't mess with me.
466
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:05,798
Helga taught me to break a
kneecap with one hand, girlie.
467
00:21:06,399 --> 00:21:09,368
You know, on the way up here I was
smelling smoke from Rogers' room.
468
00:21:09,468 --> 00:21:11,137
[beeping]
What's that?
469
00:21:11,237 --> 00:21:13,005
It's the smoke detector.
470
00:21:13,839 --> 00:21:15,274
Nobody panic.
471
00:21:15,374 --> 00:21:17,176
Luckily, I'm the dorm's
fire monitor.
472
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:19,812
Let's all begin our emergency
escape procedures.
473
00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:22,415
Drop to the ground and
crawl to safety.
474
00:21:26,905 --> 00:21:28,073
- Oh!
- Mike!
475
00:21:28,126 --> 00:21:29,161
Mike, open up!
476
00:21:29,186 --> 00:21:30,520
- Hey, come on, Mike!
- Hey!
477
00:21:30,545 --> 00:21:31,545
- Mike!
- Come on!
478
00:21:31,592 --> 00:21:32,685
What? What?
479
00:21:32,818 --> 00:21:34,293
Your room's on fire.
480
00:21:34,469 --> 00:21:37,639
We just got a little
distracted and I burned dinner.
481
00:21:37,730 --> 00:21:39,565
- Oh.
- So the fire's out?
482
00:21:39,932 --> 00:21:41,667
Not entirely.
483
00:21:47,373 --> 00:21:49,408
I think we've lost our
fourth in Monopoly.
484
00:21:49,508 --> 00:21:51,444
- Woo!
- That's it!
485
00:21:51,510 --> 00:21:53,079
Stay together.
486
00:21:53,612 --> 00:21:55,181
Follow me!
487
00:21:55,748 --> 00:21:57,483
How you doing back
there, Slater?
488
00:21:57,583 --> 00:22:00,186
Keep up! Yell out if
you have any trouble!
489
00:22:04,256 --> 00:22:05,658
Huah!
490
00:22:25,311 --> 00:22:27,713
[theme music]